Friday, October 14, 2011

The American Sitcom - Week 4 Assessment

Hey there TV watchers!


How about that episode of Community last night? Perfection or what? I won't go over every single second of brilliance with you, but... The Dark Timeline (Timeline #5) was the funniest thing I have ever watched on American television. (Side note: I have never watched any other form of television BUT American.)


You can watch last night's episode of Community along with the first three episodes from Season Three on NBC.com .


Moving on...
There are a bunch of brand new sitcoms this season that are getting a lot of hype. I've made a condensed list of the top ten new shows being forced down our gullet by the MSMM (main stream media monsters) and which ones are worth your time and which ones are not.


Starting with...
1.) NBC's UP ALL NIGHT starring: Will Arnett, Christina Applegate and Maya Rudolph. 
So far... I am very unimpressed. Maya Rudolph is horrible on this show. Arnett and Applegate are acting well, but the writing leaves a lot to be desired. Honestly, when confronted with the choice of watching Up All Night or ABC's The Middle (which I find to be getting worse each season) I choose The Middle. Patricia Heaton (while a psychotic Republican who hates stem-cell research and once made a horrible joke about Michael J. Fox) is a TV veteran. She can work with shitty dialogue and not seem like an asshole.
GAB'S FINAL VERDICT: Don't watch it. It's not worth 30 minutes of your life.




2.) ABC's LAST MAN STANDING starring Tim Allen and Nancy Travis.
So far... LOVE IT, LOVE IT, LOVE IT! Okay. I will admit that I am completely biased when it comes to Tim Allen. I was a HUGE Home Improvement nut. Honestly, Tim Allen is one of my favorite comedians of all time. I don't know what it is about him but I could watch him read a phonebook. For real. Love that guy! Plus, I am also a huge Nancy Travis fan. Although I will admit that her plastic surgery is preventing her from great face mugging that she used to do back in the late 80's early 90's. (Nancy Travis side note: Wipe your glasses, she's the GD mom from the Three Men a Little Baby movies! Among other great comedies from my childhood).
GAB'S FINAL VERDICT: WATCH IT. LOVE IT. THANK ME LATER. Honestly, this is the perfect show to go between The Middle and Modern Family on Wednesday nights. Do you hear me ABC? THIS IS YOUR WEDNESDAY LINEUP. At least until Cougar Town returns (single tear and a fist raise for Abed Nadir from Community).




3.) FOX's THE X FACTOR starring: Simon Cowell and Paula Abdul


Crap, crap, crappitty, crap, CRAP.
GAB'S FINAL VERDICT: I would prefer you to eat a cyanide tablet rather than watch this show. FACT!




4.) FOX's THE NEW GIRL starring: Ms. Zooey Deschanel


This is easily my favorite new show of the season. Zooey D. is gracing us with her movie/rock star presence on the small screen and it's fabulous. She is so freaking funny and unique and cute and dark and nuts. I love her. I love the show. I love the cast. The only bad part is that the writing is very convoluted and sloppy at times. The storyline doesn't always progress in a coherent manner, but they are only three episodes into their first season. Let's give them time to work out the writing kinks before we get too critical, deal?
GAB'S FINAL VERDICT:  Watch the show. It's quirky, unique and it breaks away from the typical ideas of how a woman should be funny.




5.) NBC'S version of FOX's NEW GIRL called: SHITNEY starring Shitney Cummings and some okay looking guy.
It is literally the worst show that I have ever watched in my entire life. And I watched Saved by the Bell the college years, okay?!!! I watched the Hogan Family. I watched mother-f'ing BLOSSOM, okay? I know bad television and SHITNEY isn't even bad-fun to watch. Okay? It's SHIT. Utter, total SHIT.
GAB'S FINAL VERDICT: SHITNEY moves the women comedy movement back to the whore house. If you like this show then you and I have NOTHING in common.  Oh, and I put a curse on YOU.




6.) FX's American Horror Story starring: Jessica Lange and Dylan McDermott
Okay. Well, it was created by Ryan Murphy of Nip/Tuck and GLEE fame. It's basically the Nip/Tuck and Glee version of every horror story and theme that has already existed in literature and film. With that said, it's virtually montages of familiar images thrown together in a that Chris Nolan "Inception" style of filming where every choice in the script is left to the audience's interpretation. I despise that style of filmmaking and I'm not too crazy about it in television format either... Umm. I kind of think that Ryan Murphy may be Satan himself. I know that is a harsh statement, but I believe it to be true.
GAB'S FINAL VERDICT: Look, if you are going to watch a show about horror than who better to create it than the Devil himself. Sure it's shot in a style that I hate, but who doesn't like recycled themes that they already adore?!!! I vote that you should watch if for no other reason than Jessica Lange and her genius acting ability.




7.) ABC's Suburgatory starring Jeremy Sisto
It makes me miss Cougar Town.
GAB'S FINAL VERDICT: Eh. I mean it's something to watch while waiting for Modern Family to start, but honestly, I'd rather read a book. NOT WORTH YOUR TIME!




8.) NBC's Prime Suspect starring: Maria Bello
I'm not going to lie. I have not watched one, single episode yet. My mother has DVR'd them all, but I have yet to sit down and watch it. I'm not much of a cop drama show watcher (unless it's about serial killers like in Criminal Minds). Anyway, my mother Starr is an expert on cop dramas. She's watched every one in existence. She swears by this show. I am going to take a day and catch up on all the episodes, but in the meantime, here is my mother's verdict...
MOM'S FINAL VERDICT: Watch the show, jagoff! It makes up for that Whitney WHORE! 




9.) CBS's Unforgettable starring: Poppy Montgomery and Dylan Walsh
Once again, I'm not a big fan of cop shows. Here is another verdict delivered by my mother rather than me.
MOM'S FINAL VERDICT: I thought I would hate it because I don't like that Poppy girl. However, it's really interesting because she plays a detective with a medical disorder in which she can't forget ANYTHING she sees, reads, smells or touches. It's quite fascinating. In fact, she reminds me of you baby and your great memory. Mommy's little baby could have been a detective but she decided to become a comedian, actress and writer instead. Oh well. Mama loves her baby and her Unforgettable.




10.) FOOD NETWORK'S SWEET GENIUS starring: Ron Ben-Israel
Okay. This show ONLY appeals to people who love watching the Food Network like myself and my mother. This show is basically the pastry version of Food Network's CHOPPED (which is my FAVORITE cooking show in existence). Therefore, this show by default is AWESOME. Any crazy cooking challenge that pushes chefs to the next level is beyond intriguing for me to watch.
GAB'S FINAL VERDICT:  If you love CHOPPED then you will also love Sweet Genius. WATCH IT!






Thanks for joining me today on GAB POP LABEL!





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